Walking Meditation

Today, 19 June 2023,  I did a walking meditation. What did I learn? The first thing I noticed was a need to be alone. I felt the desire to be away from everybody else. Not just to avoid the noise and interruptions. 

I wanted to be alone. 

I want to be alone. 

I need to be alone. 

I am alone.

Do I have a mistrust of people?  Did I just want to experience my walking meditation without anyone else watching?  Certainly, it was easy enough for somebody to glance over and watch an apparent fool, clumsily moving like a turtle toward some seemingly unknown destination.  I didn't care what others thought.  This was my quiet moment.  The beauty of meditation is we can open a part of our mind that is always available but seldom accessed.  When we tame the monkey brain and constant racket in our head, we listen to our inner-voice, our god.  Through the process we gain new perspective.  We hear our true-self in a revealing way.  I asked my sub-conscious “why do I need to be alone?”  The answer was forthcoming.  In that moment I felt more comfortable in my solitude than with people.  Don’t get me wrong. I love people. Some more than others.  But in that moment I needed to have the experience of aloneness.  People were all around but in my meditative world I was all by myself.  

I did not feel lonely.

I was in the moment.  I noticed at that very slow-paced barefoot gate, I felt everything beneath my feet.  Cold ground, tiny blades of grass, small knife edged rocks, and pieces of fallen bark shed by my tree friends.  Some of the steps hurt.  They were so painful I wasn't sure I could place my full weight on my feet.  I learned at that gate I had a hard time keeping my balance.  Between steps I quickly moved my feet so as not to fall. I lifted one foot and rapidly moved it in front of the other firmly placing it on the ground so I wouldn't plunge to the earth.  I realized that if I focused on my tree pose, I could lift one foot after the other more slowly and maintain balance. Maybe a little shaky. Maybe it was painful. But I needed to trust. Trust in myself was something else I learned. I needed to have faith and maybe a bit of courage. Courage does not mean you are un-afraid, courage means you don’t let fear stop you.  I needed to trust my body that it would not fall. I need to trust my feet that whatever they stepped on, the feeling was something they could endure. As I steadily took each step, unsure of what was coming next, I kept moving forward.  Maybe it was painful. Or maybe the sensation of the grass felt kind to the bottom of my feet. Either way, I needed to trust, have courage and keep moving.

Seeking these experiences is what makes us Yogis.

Suddenly I noticed it was important for me to have a destination. I am most comfortable when I know where I am going.  I feel distressed moving in a circle, spiral or random pattern.  It was challenging for me to walk without purpose.  So I selected a distant tree and I made that my destination. There were many trees to pick from and for some reason this one spoke to me.  Come here Grigor, it said.  I have a message for you.  She gave me the ability to focus, to clear my mind of other thoughts. I fixated on her bark and paid attention to all the subtleties of it. In the moment, it entered my mind how she has been there for hundreds of years. Well before me. She has heard all kinds of conversations. Witnessed people at their best and worst.  Maybe years before there were any buildings here, somebody camped at its base.  Fell in love and made love.  She has endured fire, drought, some of the worst summer storms and many freezing winters.  And yet she survives with her beautiful but rugged bark.  At a snail’s pace, I moved closer to my friend so I could read the details of her bark.  I noticed a predominant feature – it stuck out. It suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks. 

It was a heart.

My destination is a heart in a tree.

I guess I was not alone after all.

She is my new loving and kind friend.  Next time I feel alone, I will visit her.

It was a good walking meditation.

 

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